eat me

So last night I'm IM'ing with a friend of mine, who happens to be vegetarian. She was telling me about this soup she made.

I, in turn, tell her about this awesome bacon from this place in Missouri.

She then goes on a 153 line rant about how gross meat is.

"Ewwwww, I mean - gag. I just can't... Those animals, those poor animals. The thought just makes me want to puke." blah, blah fucking blah.

You know what? I didn't go on and on about your eating of vegetables - so lay the fuck off about my carnivorous nature.

"Oh my god! Lentils in tomato broth? Fucking nasty! And Lima beans? Holy fuck, that's gross! I mean just think about how they spread feces all over that field and those plants just lay there, below all that shit. Gross. Ack. It seriously makes me want to heave."

God that's annoying. Fuck! I mean, in those moments, I just want to kick the living shit out of you. So fuck you, vegetarians. Fuck you and your pretentious judgment of my meat-eating. Besides you eating no meat leaves more meat for me.

At least when I describe what I have for dinner it doesn't boil down to beans, beans an beans. Ha!

Farter!

but i don't wanna!!!

Listen, I'm 30-years-old... and I don't want set up your meetings or type up your meeting notes. I want to do my job. The job I was hired to do. I want to make cool web things. I want to build neat internet projects.

Occasionally I want to spend some time reading blogs and trying out new technology. I want to blog about how I'm feeling so I don't take it out on anyone important. I want a sense of completion every now and then.

I want to contribute ideas and change the way people think about our products and what we do - and I want to use technology to do it in creative, exciting ways.

You know, the things we talked about in my interview and during my first week here? Yeah, those things.

But I really, really don't want to be an administrative assistant. I'm too far along in my career to take a step back like that. It hurts my pride... it damages my self-worth. Both of which are in short supply.

Don't get me wrong - had you said early on that part of my duties would be to do secretarial things, I may understand how it has become a big chunk of my day. But the fact is that I'm an Internet guru - a web marketing mogul, of sorts - and I don't want to be a secretary. I'm not good at that stuff. Well, ok, I am but that's not my point.

Alright?

I typed up your meeting notes and they're in your in-box.

I want ice cream. And a pedicure.

my biggest mistake

How did it come to this? My biggest mistake was letting myself get to this point. This is my fault. I have brought this upon myself.

Very soon reality will hit - the same reality that has hit others in my family...

My body will just stop accepting the insulin I am taking. My kidneys will fail. That's if I don't have a heart attack or stroke first. In the short term, my eyes will get even blurrier than they already are. I won't be able to take care of myself - simple things like going to the bathroom are starting to get difficult.

I'm already to the point where it's painful. I hurt, everywhere, every day. It hurts to sit up for more than a few hours at a time.

And this love of food. I can't ignore it. I can't turn it off. I can't stop it.

I believe it will stop me before I figure out how to stop it.

HWJD? (how would jesus drive)

Every time someone cuts me off in traffic or on the way to the Taco Bell drive thru - they have a barrage of Jesus bumper stickers...

"God's Gift On Earth"
[picture of a church]
"Assembly Required"

"Jesus is the reason for EVERY season."

And Jesus probably wouldn't have been so showy - I mean really - an Oldsmobile Achieva with spinners? Son of God seems more like a Kia Spectra guy. Good warranty and all.

SRSLY - if you want to drive like an asshole, don't put Jesus stickers on your car. I'm sure Jesus would have yieled to the right-of-way drivers - even if that wouldhave meant waiting 42 more seconds for that chalupa.

And yeah, I think Jesus would have made a run for the border. Jesus seems like a spicy chicken chalupa guy to me.

barren and bitchy

I find it somewhat unfair that Nicole Richie is pregnant and I am barren.

*sigh*

But hey, at least now she'll be eating for one.


She's a marvel of modern medicine...with as gaping as that vagina is, you would think gravity would have won.