Comedy & Illinois Update

I just posted a big deal to me blog on my theamelia.com site about my first show in Springfield and the after effects.

Check it out!

Google Checkout Catastrophy or: Buyer Beware!

So I had a horrible day - and it was all because of Google Checkout.

Please share this with EVERYONE you know - I don't want what happened to me to happen to them!

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Dear eCost

I know this isn't eCost's fault - but I thought you guys should know about my experience shopping with you today (Order #xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx), and, subsequently, choosing to checkout with Google Checkout.

I have shopped with eCost before and have had a great experience, previously. The products have been fairly priced, if not WONDERFULLY priced, and the shipping and delivery has been great. Today, I thought of eCost as I was ready to order a new LCD monitor. I found the FujiPlus (eCost part 3481400) on your bargain countdown and, immediately, purchased it.

As an incentive, the checkout offered the ability to get $10 if you used Google Checkout. I've been very fond of Google products, until today, so I thought - "Why not!" and I placed the order. I went about my morning and found an email later saying my credit card information was declined and that I needed to re-enter it.

Figuring I had made a typo, I promply updated the information only to find my card was, again marked invalid by Google and my purchase not finalized.

I then looked at my Wells Fargo online statement and found not one, not two, but a total of 5 charges equalling the amount for my eCost order. All of them marked pending, and all of them, obvioulsy, approved by my bank.

That's nearly $1000! Now, because I used my debit card - my card and my checking account were frozen. The timing could not have been worse, as I had dozens of errands to run today, before I pull out of Texas tomorrow to relocate to Illinois to start my new job on Monday. Adding to the issue was that my rent check is to clear tonight - with no problem - until Google Checkout processed charges over and over again on my account.

I phoned my bank and they were unable to release the pending charges that Google had said were never authorized. Wells Fargo verified that they were, in fact, authorized and that the problem was with Google Checkout.

Then began the nightmare that I am still going through. There I was, in my car, driving around Dallas with tons of errands to do, trying to figure out how to get a hold of someone at Google to call my bank to release the pending charges. I found a main contact number at Google and it turns out Google does not have anyone you can talk to in real life - only via email. At 12:30 I sent an email via Google's help system - and when I got a receptionist on the phone at Google, I was told that I had to have a first and last name to be connected to anyone.

So, I'm stranded, in Dallas, my moving funds completely tied up - unable to use my bank account and panicking about losing my new job, as I will be unable to relocate as planned without my money being returned.

After getting back home, I phoned eCost and spoke with one of the kindest, most wonderful customer service poeple I've ever talked to. I let her know the issue and all but begged her to get me on the line with someone who could help me find a contact at Google - surely eCost has a person who has a name of someone at Google. I'm sure the customer service person was following protocol - and by the end of the call, she had let me know that Jill at the Corporate Office was going to call Google to get things worked out. That was at about 2:45CST today.

According to my bank records, none of the funds have been removed from
pending on my account - there are still 5 charges showing up as approved by my bank.

I have not been able to reach anyone at Google. I have sent 3 emails
and 2 messages through Google's "help" center.

After spending nearly 4 hours on my cell phone and getting none of my errands done today (tires fixed, oil change in my car, etc) - the $10 coupon that I was offered to use Google Checkout has cost me nearly $100... not to mention the time and stress of trying to get this remedied.

As of this email my monies have not been returned - nor has anyone from Google called me or returned my contact email or messages. If Google is going to be acting as a merchant processor, there needs to be a way to reach them in the event of such an "emergency". And I do not use the word emergency lightly here, as it has, in fact, ruined not only my day, but potentially jeopardized my relocation and my new job.

I would strongly suggest to eCost to re-evaluate its relationship with Google Checkout. I would hate for this to happen to another customer.

Thank you -
Amelia

cc: Google Checkout

that makes me a sad panda...

Today's the first day that I've been really sad about leaving Texas. Actually, with all the moves I've had, this is the first move where I've ever been really sad.

I'm leaving a lot behind (even if some of it is just temporary):

• My dog, stuff, house, husband
• My friends - You have no idea how hard it is to know I'm going to be so far away. And I know we're just a phone call or email or IM away - but it's never the same when 1200 miles is between us.
• Shana - my longest "best friend" in my adult life. We've been through SO much. I'm glad your path led you to Texas, even if you *do* hate it here. You and Ph'lip have a great thing that's worth working on. Keep that good mix of conservative and realistic. I love you so much!
• Betsie - I guess I should tell you now that you've quickly moved up to "best friend" status. You and John are remarkable people. I am going to miss meeting you guys for dinner, movies - but most of all, will miss giving you a big hug and seeing you in general. <3
• Kim - the thought of another girl in comedy workshop irritated me for a while... but I'm SO glad we got to know one another. You are so strong, smart, witty, and YES, FUNNY. Don't give up on what you want. You have tons of time and energy to get whatever it is you are aiming for. Knock em dead on the 14th - I wouldn't expect anything less. And, for your birthday - I'm going to get you a domain name, hosting and build you a website - whenever you're ready - just email me. Loves ya.
• Laurie - My most favorite (non-) hippie ever. You get to take care of Allan's powerstrip. I really appreciate you being an ear, a shoulder and a lot of fun. You're a GREAT mom, and I hope one day to be half as great of a mom and wife as you've shown yourself to be.
• David - It's not often you meet someone older, wiser that you would hang out with. From the minute we met and talked, I was really taken by your wit and intelligence. I hope we can still IM from time to time. And thank you so much for introducing me to Clifford and Reggie. You're a fabulous friend - and I count you one of the dearest.
  
• Micah - The thought that we won't be able to steal a lunch every week or so really bums me out. Thanks for always being a sounding board and for just listening and not trying to be a "man" and fix everything every time I'd talk to you about something. You have a level head, are slow to anger, and are, quite possibly, the best damn HTML developer (other than me) that I've ever met. You are such a great father - and Val is so lucky to have a man like you. I'll miss our inside jokes and making fun of "you-know-who(re)". Best guy-friend, ever.
• Alan - We've been through so much... C.I Hoax, TDDB... Thanks for being the voice of reason when I didn't want to hear it. Thanks for being a go-to when I needed technical expertise. And thanks for bailing my ass out more times than I can count. I love you.
  
• There are tons more folks I should list here, but I am all teary and having trouble typing.
  
• My comedy - Just getting started, and I felt kind of like I was accomplishing something. I don't really know what - but something. Now, I'm going to have to start over. Proving myself all over again. Paying my dues starting from scratch. And maybe I won't be good in Springfield.
• My comedy buddies - Doug, Kim, AJ, Tom, Jack, Ryan, Matt, Shaun and Jack. You guys have really made me think, laugh, laugh-cry and even pissed me off (who wants to follow that bit about the ant diet, Tom? NO ONE!).
  
• Jack - Thanks for being so supportive of new comics. It takes a bitter, jaded, angry, but loving old man to still put so much time and energy into helping us baby comics grow up. You are a gem. I'll be emailing you often to ask you about how to start up a room.
  
• Backdoor Comedy in Dallas - Linda and the folks @ Backdoor have been really great to me. If you can, please support them - http://www.backdoorcomedy.com
  
• My boss - Despite a SHITTY day yesterday, Reggie has been the best boss I've ever had. He's given me more than enough rope to hang myself with too many times - but he's always been there to cut it right before I choke to death. I lashed out yesterday a bit, maybe just because I was upset about leaving.
• My new truck - Leaving it with Mike. I'm kinda scared to drive it, but yeah. My truck.
• My dog - Did I mention I love my dog?
• familiarity - There's something nice about knowing where everything is and how to get there. Re-learning is sometimes frustrating.
• My co-workers - Sure, my office has a serious set of issues, but I really work with great people.
  
• Harley, I'll never have as great of a work husband as you (unless I meet a Gay Jewish guy with a sense of humor, then you'll be replaced).
  
• Lisa, I respect the crap out of you. You put up with so much and always keep cool. I hope you know how valuable you are.
  
• Matthew, hang in there. Your talent won't be overlooked. And no, you can't get me high before I leave.
• Ellen, you are smart, funny, talented and dedicated. Don't let that be taken advantage of.
• Karen, for a pretentious bitch, you sure are a great friend. I am glad that a bad account experience yielded such a great friend.
• Sarah, you sure do work hard, even if you're a rental. Keep being the shining light you are. No matter how much I bitch and make fun of some FC folks, you are truly the real deal. I'm glad we met.
• Linda, I know we didn't get much time to get to know each other - but I admire your smarts and your sense of humor. Give em hell and keep them laughing at the Monday meetings.
  
• Billy, I'm so glad I got the chance to meet you. You are one of the most genuine people I've ever met - and you have really been here for me in good times and bad. Do what's best for you and don't let your talents go to waste. I'm glad to call you "friend".
  
• Robbie, you know your shit! One of the only guys (you and Micah) who does front-end as well as I do. Keep "working that magic."
• Rene, I'll miss you saying good morning every day. And hearing you sip your coffee - and your perfect makeup. Keep them lips red!
  
• Troy, I don't know what to say except it was fun working with you. And every time I think of you I always think - "It's always the quiet ones."

None of this sadness is to diminish the excitement of the move -

• A new town - new places to explore.
  
• A 10 minute drive to work. Yeah. Uh huh.
  
• New people - I've already made some great friends - and I am going to get the joy of spending every day with two of my bestest friends ever.
• New job - A company that respects me already - offering me opportunities that haven't come up for me in my past jobs. I just got an email about a meeting to get a certification - and it's on my 2nd workday.
• Seasons - yeah - I like cold and winter. I just hope it's ok to have my window open a teensy bit at night...
• A chance to re-invent myself. I don't know - maybe just a chance to let go of some things that are haunting me here.
• New comedy experiences - a new set of "buddies" (I hope), new clubs and maybe the chance to be a big fish in a small(er) pond?

So, with that, I'm going to pretend to work. 3.5 more days of work left.

murder, murder in the night air

Last night, another epic dream.

I was back in Wisconsin... at my grandma/grandpa's house. I just remember the house... the yard... it was definitely there.

For whatever reason, I'd apparently killed someone and tried to hide the body. And while I was hiding the body, I ran across another body near where I was hiding mine. AND I RECOGNIZED the person.

The guy's name was Troy. I remember thinking he was engaged to my friend, Sara, but that he was killed and never found before they got married. Sara never found out what happened to him.. it'd been 2 years since he disappeared and Sara had met a new guy (named Troy as well) and married him earlier this year.

When I got home, I was visibly shaken (what with murder, and hiding the body, the discovery of Troy's body and whatnot), and so my uncle, Tim, called a lawyer.

The lawyer came to the house, and I had explained what I had done. I was clear to say that YES, I did kill whoever it was I killed (don't remember who it was)... but that I did not kill Troy ... and I juts happened to find his body while hiding the other body. I did not kill Troy.

Lawyer said I..d get pinned for both murders and began working on my defense.

The lawyer started going through my medicine cabinet looking for what medications I was on. He ran across something and started talking about a defense of being temporarily insane. I argued I wasn't insane... that I meant to murder, but my main concern was not getting pinned for Troy's murder. I didn't kill Troy.

And then the lawyer said I..d have to call Sara and tell her that I was the one who killed her fiancée. Being that I didn't kill her fiancée, and that Sara was my friend, I got distraught and locked myself in the garage.

The lawyer and my uncle and grandparents tried to get in... and I woke up just as I decided that a good way to off myself was with the hedge trimmers.

Yeah. Uh huh. Fucked.

What do you think? Come on... give it to me.

what dreams may come...

Ok, last night, I had some seriously fucked up dreams. So, for my dream interpretation friends (or acquaintances), go ahead, gimme your input.

I don't usually dream so vividly - but last night was a definite exception.

First Dream:

I started out in a group - a big group, then we all went on our separate ways. Everywhere I went, I would encounter someone who wanted to fight me... it was like an epic kung fu film, but I was totally using my hands, and they were as well. Ok, so it was more of a kung fu meets fight club.

So, this went on for some time. I was winning each battle - but, of course, every battle got progressively harder - much like how every level in Mario Kart got harder and harder.

Here's the part that disturbed me - the last person I fought was a child. Probably 11 or so years old. And the kid nearly beat the shit out of me. But, I came out, victorious.

Eventually, I realized that I was trying to get through all the battles to get back to the group - as a winner. And I did.

I woke after this dream and felt physically sore and tired. I also felt as though I'd been talking. Though I don't remember any dialogue in the dream.

Ok, now dream two... after I woke up from dream one - I fell back asleep and had another vivid dream.

I was in a large building with many rooms. I want to say it was a stadium. And there were tons of people camped out everywhere. I was in charge, or some other such, as I remember trying to find places for everyone to sleep - and places to get wheelchairs in, etc.

There were so many people - I was trying to get everyone into a spot to sleep, and there just seemed to be a never-ending stream of people who needed somewhere to stay. I found them all places.

There were people EVERYWHERE. Stairwells, etc - I remember feeling overwhelmed... Concerned that I'd not find enough room for all the people - and everyone needed a place to sleep. And I needed to find somewhere for me to sleep. I called my hubby and told him to bring my new Aerobed to the place so I could sleep. He arrived with it, but there wasn't anywhere left. I looked everywhere for a spot to lay down, but there wasn't anywhere left.

I started to cry, but at the same time was relieved that everyone else had a place to sleep.

That's all I remember.

Yeah, fucked up.