next stop: frustration station

I'm so frustrated with comedy right now.

I have been busting my ass for weeks now trying to nail down a new five minute set for a class I'm taking in Chicago. I really was hoping this would be a point where I could really hunker down and come up with some new material and solidify who I thought I was as a comic, but it's turned out to be the opposite.

Each week I have left class more frustrated than the week before. Each week I don't just show up, I really believe I've come prepared, acting on the feedback previously given, and really trying to turn on a new persona - and get away from resting on fat jokes. And each week I walk away feeling like I've accomplished NOTHING.

Last week I wrote and wrote and wrote and sent some stuff to a couple of my old comedy buddies in Texas for some feedback - and Dondo was right - it was ALL crap. It wasn't me. It wasn't funny. So I spent nearly 8 hours straight refining my premises, going over line by line - making sure my setups/punches/tags proved my premise. And I felt really good about 2 of the 3 of my bits, only to get another night of relentless unconstructive criticism.

And I *know* I hear more negatives than positives, I'm like that. And life's hard, princess - not everyone's going to like me. And comedy's hard. And I don't need my ego stroked ALL the time. But when you cough up a few hundred dollars, you'd hope there'd be something constructive there.

I've found this class harder to deal with than some of the toughest open mic nights I've ever been to. Should a class I've paid for and put so much into make me feel worse than getting heckled by drunk, unemployed men in a dark Irish pub when I haven't really prepared?

I'm not enjoying myself. I'm not having fun. And yes, I know comedy is HARD work, but it should also be fun, shouldn't it? And worse is that my instructor really isn't enjoying himself, either - which makes me feel like I'm not trying hard enough as a student.

So "graduation" is a little over a week away - on stage in front of a good number of folks I'd invited a few weeks ago when I believe I would have something worth seeing. Now I want to uninvite them. And I don't want the club booker to see what I've got - cause I don't feel like it's me.

I don't believe in my material. I don't believe in my new persona and I don't believe I've much of anything good to preform. And sadly, I don't believe I got a good value for what I've spent.

Urgh.

Your privates are not private

In the news, recently, has been story after story about a Maine Middle School who has approved giving birth control to its students.

Ok, without recapping the whole story, here's a breakdown of the facts, as I have understood them:

1. The school has a health center.
2. Students, with parent's permission, can utilize the health center for their health needs.
3. The school board has recently approved those who have parental permission to utilize the health center to get birth control pills (among other contraceptives).

Ok, so we can ALL agree that an 11 year should not be having sex. An 11 year old should really have the fear of God put into them and be told that their netherreggions will grow full of some scary monster if they have sex... but - ok, we all agree - MIDDLE SCHOOLERS SHOULD NOT BE HAVING SEX.

But thanks to our wonderful society and un-engaged parents, kids are becoming more and more wannabe adults. And thus, some kids are going to have sex.

I should say here, that my 7th grade year in middle school (back in 88), my cousin was pregnant - an eighth grader. And she wasn't the only one. So I know it happens.

Now, my entire blog post here isn't really about the health center, or the birth control, it's about another issue that struck me while listening to this news story: Kids who are approved to use the health center, and who request birth control - those kids - can do so without their parents even knowing what they're asking for or being given.

Ok, WTF? What the fuck?

When I was 11 I had no privacy. NONE. My parents knew everything I did. When I wanted to go spend the night at a friend's house, my mom would call her mom, and they'd talk, and agree, and then I could go. No talk, no go. There was nothing in my 11-year-old-life my parents didn't know.

Apparently there is a law on the books in Maine that protects the privacy of minors. Even from their parents.

What the fuck? Again, I ask you, WHAT THE FUCK!?

Until I was the age of 18 and had moved out of my house, my parents had every right to know every detail of what was going on in my life. And those parents, whether or not they give permission for their tax breaks to get to use the health center, should be able to count on knowing what's going on in that health center, as it relates to their child.

The problem isn't the school, or the birth control or the health center - the problem is the obnoxious law that prevents the parents and guardians of minors from knowing what is being put into their children's bodies!

I don't recall a doctor's visit when I was in middle school that my mom wasn't in the room for. I couldn't get a prescription for an ear infection without my parent's picking it up for me at the pharmacy - now we're protecting the PRIVACY RIGHTS of children who cant' even realize that at the age of 10, 11 and 12 they're TOO YOUNG to be having sex?

OMG.

So these little prostitots are off fucking around, get birth control, and the parents aren't let in on this big secret becauese the kids are protected? Good lawwwwddd!

Let me guarantee you, if I were 11, having sex --- within seconds of my folks finding out, I would have had all the birth control I would have needed. Most likely in the form of a wooden spoon or some other such.

The only privacy law my parents instilled in me was that as long as I was living in their home, under their rules, and under the age of 18, nothing was private - unless they let it be that way.

that "no so fresh" feeling

So, it's been quiet here. Yeah. I've pretty much been stewing since early last week.

The last of the beginning comedy workshop sessions was last Monday, and it didn't go so well - for me. I had been super frustrated up to that point, trying to write new material. I did about 3/4 new stuff and my comments were - as follows (paraphrased, of course):

1. I'm not fat enough to tell fat jokes
2. Sadly, I may have white-girl syndrome - i.e. white girl who tells jokes but nothing really memorable or that stands out.
3. And this quote "Mentally, you're ahead of where you should be." Followed by "But don't take that in the wrong way."
and finally
4. I have a spark.

So yeah - I was taken aback by the fat thing. Yes, most of the jokes I write have been fat jokes - but I've really been trying very hard to not write so many fat jokes. They just get the laughs. But hey, so does the word "fuck" - and I have been doing better to not say that. I already knew that I had too many fat jokes - but to be told I'm not fat enough . I guess it's a compliment? So yeah.

I'm bothered that I'm not unique. I have been thinking all week about things about me that make me different. Negative characteristics - I'm lazy, I'm smart but don't apply myself, I hate people, in general. Who am I? I had thought I was the fat girl who was fun to be with - but now I have to think again.

Not sure about what 3 meant. I have been taking it as I should go back and start over and not get ahead of myself. I never asked to be an opener - I was asked, so I thought I was ready . Maybe this means I'm not ready?

I have a spark. Yes, yes, that's true. Comedy is like all I think about. I watch comedy- live and TV, I read books about comedy, I write at least an hour a day on average. All I think about is comedy. I'm kind of obsessed. So spark - well, yeah. You could say that.

I guess I just wasn't sure what to expect, and while the input was objective and critical - it wasn't very constructive on how it was presented. For a few days I thought that for the money I spent I should have gotten some constructive criticism out of the class - I just think that there were others there (granted, totally n00bs) - and they were raked over the coals - but there was at least something positive communicated to each of them. I felt as though I was just - brushed aside . Could be because the night was coming to a close quickly and we were out of time ,and I was last.

I open in Springfield this weekend. I have been second-guessing myself all week. I've decided to the gig, then throw out all my material and start over fresh after Saturday night.

So the intermediate workshop starts tomorrow. We'll see how that goes. I know I need a thicker skin, but 6 weeks of negativity may not bode well for my self esteem. I should get at least a few constructive items for my money - right?

We'll see.

god is pro-choice

Watching the news tonight - there's a story about a Planned Parenthood opening in my city. It's a large state-of-the-art facility that provides services to women and families. And yes, in some cases, abortions.

Of course the story turns to the protesters. Protesters who walk up and down the sidewalks - circling the building seven times (a Biblical reference, of course). Some wearing t-shirts, lots carrying signs, and a few carrying crosses. The vast majority of protesters - Christians. Wearing Jesus shirts, carrying crosses, reciting prayers and creeds...

"Abortion is homicide."
"Life begins at conception."

Nothing that anyone reading this hasn't heard before.

The protesters have succeeded, thus far, in hindering the opening of the facility - a facility that rightfully and legally applied to the city, and been granted, the approval to build the structure and occupy it. Now, due to these protesters, the city has put the opening of the facility on hold pending more investigation of whether or not paperwork was filed correctly.

Planned Parenthood - the organization that strikes fear and anger in the hearts of Christians everywhere. Yet Planned Parenthood is not, and has never been, synonymous with abortion. The organization provides services including STD testing, sexual health resources and education, pregnancy testing, pap smears, birth control and yes, abortions.

I know the facts - I know that Planned Parenthood facilities perform approximately 17% of the total US abortions performed each year. And I also know there are approximately 1.2 million abortions in this country each year.

A point of contention for me is that I do not believe that all abortions are evil and wrong. I have to leave room for extreme health circumstances. But I firmly believe that abortion is not a form of birth control. And it shouldn't be treated that way.

So, all of that said. I'm just simply infuriated by "Christians" who protest these clinics. To them I wish I could convey how some of the rest of the world feel when we see these ridiculous protests that benefit no one. They don't save lives. Protests haven't resulted in any marked difference in the number of abortions performed in our country. And protests haven't resulted in a difference in the number Planned Parenthood performs.

There is no measurable result of your holier-than-thou protests. There is no measurable result coming from your marching, your chanting and your arrogant and ignorant dissent.

These people really do practice what is a huge turnoff to me: ala carte Christianity. They pick and choose which portions of The Bible they use to condemn and judge others. In one breath, they chose to become Christians - to follow God, to surrender their lives. But the very next breath condemns choices that others make - using that same free will.

You see, I believe, very firmly God is pro-choice.

That's right - I'll say it again - GOD IS PRO CHOICE.

And how can I believe this?

Get two post its - label one YES and the other NO. Then think about a decision you have to make.

If God didn't want us to have a choice - the only post-it that would be out - when you're looking at any decision would be just the YES or just the NO. No choice. You are only given the option God wants you to have.

We have free-will We are GRANTED free-will.. And you, Mr./Mrs. Protester, can't have it both ways. You can't believe and profess that God has granted man free-will and be anything other than pro-choice.

[if you'd like to argue free will - here's my thoughts: Throughout the Bible, God continuously instructs mankind to make righteous decisions through free-will. Yet these protesters misinterpret a few verses to arrive at the false idea that mankind does not have free will to do good or make righteous decisions. If you need a few reminders on God's giving man free will, check out Deuteronomy 30:11-19, John 14:15; John 15:7; Romans 2:10; 1 Cor 9:24; 1 Timothy 6:12; 2 Timothy 2:21 and 1 John 5:1.]

If God were not pro-choice - then there'd be no options. God has the ability to completely take away the ability to take away a choice. He has the actual ability to remove one of those post its. And as humans, we are in no position to do or think or say otherwise.

Either God granted man free-will or not. You can't have it both ways. Either God grants free-will and allows there to be a choice, or not.

Why not set aside your signs and your t-shirts and stop your chanting and get involved with the women who have one of the 1.2 million abortions each year? Why? Because you won't get news coverage for that. You don't get cool matching t-shirts that say "Choose relationships." You don't get to make signs, carry them around and be seen. You don't get to end your day getting high fives from 20 other people who stood next to you.

No, instead you'd have to make a difference in someone's life, one on one. You'd have to set aside your warped and tunneled view of what and who belongs next to you on Sunday morning - or who you choose to spend time with instead of you ladies circle or church softball team. You'd actually have to do something measurable for a real-life-person.

But instead, you choose to carry your signs, march and complain about how unfair it is that the rest of the world has choices.

I find that disturbingly ironic.

And simply because you, Mr./Mrs.Protester believe it's in your hands to pick and choose which portions of grace you pass onto others, God gets to freely choose. And so do I.

who does number 3 work for?

Last Sunday I participated in my first ever comedy contest. A lot of comics have mixed feelings about such contests - and I'm one of them. In one respect, it's like comparing apples to oranges, quite often, but on the other side it's fun to be a bit competitive, at least outwardly.

The organizers of the contest did a great job with things, IMHO. We had a great host/emcee - Vince Carone, and it was at ComedyComedy Live in Aurora. I love that venue - well, when there aren't bands in the courtyard.

11 comics - 5-8 mins each. It was a good mix of folks, really. Some seasoned, some not.

The audience voted - everyone there at the beginning of the show got a list of all the acts and chose their 1st, 2nd and 3rd place selections. The 1st place comic got a paid slot as the feature for a weekend at ComedyComedy Live and also a spot in the fall competition at CCL.

I was fourth in the lineup. I'd rate my set as a B-. I had thrown in 2 new bits I'd not done on stage yet (not something I'd normally do, but wanted to get them out there to a real crowd). The outcome of those two new bits? One needs to be pared down, but had 3 definite full crowd laughs, the other went really well and I'll be keeping it - though it's definitely a bit that needs to be in the middle of a set - and some crowds may benefit from it being explained to them [snicker]. I added a zinger to my intro based on the host/emcee's set before the competition started - that was a good move to get the crowd on my side.

At the last minute - I threw in an extra bit because I was worried I didn't have a long enough set. I realized about 3 lines in that I had already fucked it up, and then that bit was a struggle to fix. That was simply due to not practicing enough.

I tend to over prepare - to the point of not being engaged enough with the crowd - but in this case, I didn't prepare that bit enough and I shouldn't have added it. I think that bit changed the outcome.

The result? I came in as the 2nd loser (3rd place). Not bad. The winner did very well - he was a semifinalist in the Chicago Sierra Mist Comedy Challenge this past summer, and 2nd place was taken by Stacy Lynn Fletcher - a fairly seasoned comic who has done some cool things on a big scale - including "Showtime At The Apollo".

So, all in all - not bad being third. Not as good as first, but not as bad as last.