Tuesday, August 21, 2007

why you hate childrens

I have two black garbage cans - the tote kind with a handle and wheels. They sit outside my garage, just in front of it, and wait to be filled with my filth and excess stuff.

More than a few handfuls of time over the past few weeks, I've come home to find my trash cans strewn about my driveway. Sometimes in odd positions (doggy style, for example), and sometimes knocked over (thankfully not knocked up). They've been empty, as they have been replaced with the city's snazzy blue cart for filth - but still, my trash cans lay about.

It's been raining a lot here (and you have no idea how hard it is to find somewhere to park and Ark at PF Chang's). And I briefly considered the rain or water had been moving them or knocking them over, or some combination of both. I realized this was crazy, as I neither live on a hill or in a river's current. But on clear days, the same thing happened. What could be going on?

By an act of what I could only call God shining down upon me, I got to work from home for an entire day. A day of lounging about in my pajamas, throwing the ball for the dog, while hitting a few keyboard buttons. True bliss, I tell you.

It also occurred that on this righteous day of aforementioned God-shining, that this may be the chance for me to catch the aliens who were abducting and quite obviously sexually molesting my trash cans (I knew at the least they were anal probed, as one of the can's wheels is slightly askew). And even more ideal - my home office faces the front of the house - where I can see the entire driveway and even the trash cans, if I were so inclined to get up out of my chair.

But like any smart aliens, they would not be tricked... they must have sensed my presence - or smelled my lunch of a fried egg sammich - so the day went on as usual - nothing of note and no sign of E.T.

At 3:45, I spotted the spaceship coming up the driveway - actually 2 of them. They weren't like I had expected - they had 2 spoked wheels and looked a lot like bicycles. And the aliens, must to my disappointment, looked a lot like pre-teen boys.

I hung up the phone to the FBI so as not to seem like an idiot.

And there it was - the cause of my trash can disruption - 2 boys, on bikes, running into my trash cans. Yes, running into them. They'd hit them then try to avoid them and run into them again.

They weren't even wearing helmets! The horror!

I watched as they did this 3 or 4 times - riding up and down the street and into my driveway - into my trash cans.

Then I got out the camcorder. I don't know how to use it yet, but I just wanted a prop, really. That's what I needed, a good prop.

The next time they came through, I opened the blinds a bit and the window and yelled "Stay the hell out of my driveway or I'll call the cops."

I could tell that wasn't effective, as they laughed and laughed as they rode away. Normally I wouldn't mind being laughed at, but those little shits... Mike was on the phone and had a good laugh.... I hung up and sat back down to "work".

A few minutes came and went and they came back! This time I pulled the blinds up with force and yelled, "HEY!" Holding the camcorder, I pointed it at them and said - "Come back again and I'll fucking give this video to the cops. " Then I sat a webcam on the windowsill (it wasn't hooked up, but the shock factor was awesome.

I heard one kid say "Oh crap!" and they rode home and proceeded to talk in the driveway about the mean lady down the street who has video of them in her driveway.


And the webcam still sits right there on the windowsill.
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Fondant fleur said...

Wanna check out my web cam...

Anonymous said...

OMG... You are my hero. That is AWESOME! I think I might use a webcam as a prop in my classes, come to think of it.