Monday, April 24, 2006

sponsored by the number 29

I turned 29 Saturday. One more year to the big three-zero! I don't feel almost 30 though - I still feel 24... but I know I'm getting older, because I see college kids and think they're in High School. *sigh*

My birthday was kinda - well - ho-hum. Maybe part of it is that this is the first birthday in 6 years without Marla. Or that Rick and Joy (who managed to not nearly wreck my birthday for the 3rd year in a row - they weren't invited this year) aren't a part of our lives anymore... or that Lisa is in Tennesse - or that my friends from my last job (who numbered nearly 40 at my last party) are now a small handful of folks (I do love them, though).... I dunno. It was just a shitty birthday, all in all.

Some of you may think I'm talking about you, below - and maybe I am. And for those of you who I don't talk about (namely those I don't have a beef with - you already know I love you).

I've come to a couple of realizations over the past few days - some good, some not so good, so I'll share them.
  • Too many people don't seem care about their word and keeping commitments. I've been known to flake... to have things come up, it's just a fact of life - but there are too many people I have in my close circle that never seem to keep their commitments. Stupid things, yeah - like showing up at a birthday party that they RSVP'd to... but still - have the courtesy to call! This isn't to discount the friends that did show up - but there were a few folks I was excited to see that just blew me off and it hurt my feelings.
  • It hurts my feelings that you won't just come out and tell me you don't want to hang out - more than just telling me that you don't want to. Honestly, I don't fucking care if you don't want to hang out, come to my birthday, join me for a movie, or whatever - but when this is the 5th invitation you've turned down, just be a grown up about it and tell me you're not interested in hanging out. Or, better yet, you're off my list.
  • It's too late for one dream, so why not try another? It's too late for me to be a rockstar... I have to come to terms with the fact that the thing I want to do more than anything - the thing I wake up thinking about, and go to bed and dream about - Singing and Performing - won't happen. I'm past my peak. It's just a fact. So, maybe I can move that dream to comedy... you can break into that anytime, right? I'm doing a stand-up comedy workshop for the next few weeks. Right now, I'm trying to not be funny (the assignment starts with just real life topics, not funny things). All leading up to a showcase at the Addison Improv and that will determine if this is just another dream with no chance of taking off (and me being out $450).
  • I get hurt when those closest to me don't recognize things that are special to me. I hesitate to air my dirty home laundry here, but my birthday - just like my anniversary, came and went without a surprise from my husband. If it makes me spoiled or naggy or a bitch to want to be surprised on special occasions, so be it... but I think I deserve a bit of special thoughts on such days. I don't want to negate what he does do, but I'd be lying to say that I am not hurt when there's not even a card or something small - a surprise to let me know I'm thought about more than just what I say I want or ask for.
Anyhow, sorry for the bitchfest, all. Just had to get a few things out (EmoJane returns)... hopefully I'll be back to my bitchy, sarcastic, humorous self soon.
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Arch Nemesis said...

I know you don't want me coming around...but NOBODY should have a shitty birthday. :( I'm sorry...hope things get better.

60 and counting said...

Thanks for the visit. I hope Saturday wasn't all that bad. It's how you feel inside that counts. :)

Tish Grier said...

happy b-lated bday....oh, and what you're experiencing with friends is that weird ebb and flow of friends in adulthood. Nobody talks about that all that much, but it happens. when I look at pics from 15 yrs ago, when I was your age, there are two people out of all those people, that' I'm still friends with. and we all live in different states. Life is strange,it keeps changing, and you can always re-make yourself. you'll get used to it :-)